Thank You For Reminding Me Why I Became a Protestant
Let me start off by stating that I grew up Catholic. My parents grew up Catholic and I’m pretty sure my parents’ parents grew up Catholic. I think it’s sufficient to say that since I grew up Catholic, I didn’t know anything about religion or the rules of the Catholic Church... or the Bible. If you thought that was just a stereotype of Catholicism, it’s not. I went to Sunday school, I had my Confirmation, but I can honestly say I knew nothing about Catholicism, except they kept asking me for money, their leaders kept getting caught touching little boys, and that I could do pretty much whatever I wanted as long as I went to confession and said a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers (Then I was under the assumption that I was completely absolved of all my sins). Add to that I was 17 and trying to find my own identity, so I left... On second thought, why did I leave? I had a pretty good deal working there!
This is all being said because a few Fridays ago, I was overtly reminded why I became a Protestant. By the way, Protestantism isn’t a religion. Technically it’s every religion that ISN’T Catholicism. Being a Protestant just means that you chose a different religion that Catholicism, hence the word ‘protest’ in Protestant. It means protesting the Catholic churches teaching, thank you Martin Luther… just a little nugget of random information for ya. It really had nothing to do with money, theology, education or molestation; actually it was the constant shame and guilt that was thrust (no pun intended) down on top of you from the leaders of the church. I honestly think that while someone is studying to become a priest of the Catholic Church there are specific courses in seminary that teach an up-and-coming priest how to be demeaning, belittling, degrading, humiliating and disgracing toward everyone that isn’t them.
The Story:
A few Fridays ago I was a second camera-man for a wedding. Shameless plug warning: If you want amazing photographs for any occasion (Wedding, Engagement, Anniversary, Pregnancy, New Baby, Family Photo Shoot, etc. [we'll travel, Jesse Medina I'm looking at you!]) contact Raw Canvas Photography [link]. The wedding was a traditional Catholic wedding which coincidentally enough was being held in a traditional Catholic church. I was told before the service that I couldn’t wear my hat in the Church, which reluctantly (mostly because of my hair, and only because of the couple that was getting married) I obliged. After the ceremony was over I exited the church to the foyer, promptly grabbed my hat and placed it back to its proper place atop my head. I was taking pictures of the receiving line and the guests exiting the church, once all the guests were outside the bride and groom asked if we could get some shots of them signing their marriage license. We followed them back into the sanctuary where we were greeted by the priest who performed the ceremony; well I should say everyone else was greeted but me. The priest had very specific words for me:
Priest: Only women, Jews and Bishops are allowed to wear a hat inside the church, do you fit into any of these categories?
About half way through this sentence I realized I was wearing my hat and quickly removed it and placed it on the nearest pew. The whole time I had every expletive blowing up in my head, because I knew I had just disrespected THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. History tells us that people have been killed for lesser transgressions against The Catholic Church. I was sweating bullets, plus I couldn’t tell if he (the priest) was trying to be funny or not. So I held back the comment I really wanted to say, “Actually I’m a Transsexual Hasidic Bishop, technically I should be wearing 3 hats!”
Me: I’m sorry. No sir, I don’t.
AS SOON AS THOSE WORDS LEFT MY MOUTH, I knew I was in for it. Being a seasoned Catholic veteran I had just forgot to say the ‘magic word’.
Priest: No, father.
Me: (tail between my legs) father.
I was waiting for him to pull out a yard stick from his robes and start hacking away at my knuckles for such insubordination. How many Hail Marys’ and Our Fathers was I in for, I was ready for him to ask God to strike me down right then and there… Luckily if I was struck by lightning I was surrounded by holy water, so hopefully someone would act quickly and put out the flames. However nothing more was said, but nothing more needed to be said. The priest had made his point and I was cowering below him, just as the Catholic Church wants. If that’s not an innuendo, I don’t know what is.
As crazy as it sounds this small 4 line conversation made me so thankful that I am never obligated to step foot into a Catholic church again. The meaning behind the words was unmistakable for me. I know that priests are to be respected and somewhat revered, but the fact remained that Catholics are Christians and I doubt this is what Christ would’ve said to me. There was no mercy or grace given in these words, and it made me feel shameful and guilty for what I had done. What HAD I done? I accidentally forgot that I was wearing a hat where I wasn’t supposed to, based on a churches rules that I may not have even known to begin with. It’s not like they were posting their rules like speed limit signs all over the foyer and the sanctuary. How would I have known? Thanks for the love Catholicism, I really feel it. I don’t like to make excuses, but I really wasn’t thinking about it, and this priest had to not only point out my mistake but parade me around like a fool.
Maybe I can buy an indulgence, or wrangle up thousands of my friends to go and kill off anyone who doesn’t believe what the Catholic Church teaches, or go to law school to become a defense attorney to fight all the molestation law suits against the Catholic Church, maybe that will help me make up for my mistake… but I’m not one to point out others mistakes.
I think I am going to make some pins and pass them out that say “I <3 Protestants” and make a shirt with Jesus standing in a boat with a very unruly sea around him and under the picture say “I rock the boat.” Let’s not forget that we are all going to live under one roof someday… $100,000 question: What would you have done?
