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*Side Note*

I know that I am supposed to be continuing my 3 part series on “Don't be a Christian Appliance” but I've had something on my mind that I just haven't been able to remember to post until someone reminds me of the idea.


Enough with my vague-ality I might as well just get into the what it is that has got me side-tracked. Recently a couple of friends and I went out to see the “The Town” (That new Ben Affleck movie that takes place in Boston and centers around back robbery) which is rated 'R' for different reasons, but the 2 that float to the surface the fastest are language and violence. Pluggedin.com states, “The f-word tally exceeds 150,” with the run-time only being 125 minutes, that means that they said the f-word more than once a minute throughout the movie. I just want to dispel any judgment on the movie because of the language issue, if you ask anyone who lives in or grew up in Boston or close to it will tell you that (as hard as it is to believe) that's just how they talk out there. My in-laws are “Mass-holes”, trust me when I say I can back up this statement with credible references, and no they don't drop the f-bomb every minute (actually the never do) but they know what goes on back there... experience.


Where was I? The Town, great movie but has a slight language problem and is a little violent. The violence is nothing out of the ordinary for a present day bank-robber type crime movie: Car chases (with explosions), shoot-outs, beatings and pistol-whippings, so nothing that I haven't seen in my 8+ years of watching rated 'R' movies. But this isn't the problem, hopefully you've caught on to that by now.


My friends and I walked into the theater, on a Saturday night, and throughout the mandatory commercials we talked and caught up on any current news in our lives. Not until the previews started, had I noticed the travesty that was taking place right in front of me... I had almost eaten all my sour patch watermelon candy?! I couldn't believe that I just spent $4.00 on a bag of candy that was practically empty by the time the previews started! Nevertheless I ate the last few slices and dumped the sour-sugar coating that had collected at the bottom of the bag into my mouth when I noticed something else... something worse than my candy running out. We were surrounded by families, families with children... FAMILIES WITH SMALL CHILDREN, I'M TALKING 3-5 YEAR OLDS!


I couldn't believe it, I literally stood up and looked around me during the previews. I counted 3 separate families that had brought their kids to see this movie. Once the movie started I can, for the first time, honestly say that I wanted to smack a woman in her face. Why? Because she was shhhh-ing her kids during the movie, she actually told them to, “be quiet and watch the movie!” Once I realized that by smacking this woman in the face I would be doing nothing but smacking her in the face it made me think, "Smacking this woman wouldn't make her realize her faults, it wouldn't make her think over her decision, and it wouldn't make her take her kids and bring them into theater 3 where they were showing “Alpha and Omega” (that cartoon wolf movie)." I knew smacking her in the face would do nothing but give me a few minutes of gratification, but it wouldn't help the kids that were being forced to watch a movie that was (in every sense of the word) wrong for them to be watching.


Don't get me wrong, I'm normally not a violent person, but this was too much for me. I tried putting myself in their shoes and thinking HOW could anyone come to the conclusion that bringing their children to a rated 'R' movie would be appropriate? I thought about it throughout the entire preview section until I finally came to an answer: IT ISN'T! But what do you do? Should I have called Child Protective Services (CPS), told the manager of the theater, or tried to talk some reason into the families? I was absolutely appalled into a state of shock.


I teach, at the moment, so I am surrounded by kids (every age group) for half the year. I see the differences in children/students that have parents that are involved in every part of their lives. I see how easy it is for children/students to do whatever they want: interrupt you when you are teaching a lesson, call another student a name that they don't even know the meaning of, but heard Stewie call Peter it on the last episode of “Family Guy”, or be completely oblivious to the consequences of their choices. Am I saying that I only see this in the grade that I teach, no, but I do see it pretty much in every grade in school. A wave of disrespect, irresponsibility and entitlement has swept over this generation and is strangling the common sense out of them. Teachers then talk to parents about their child's/student's behavior and the parents say, “I don't know where he/she gets it from.”


The saddest part of this post is that this wasn't the first time and we all know this won't be the last time I run into something like this. I can count a handful of times I have seen underage kids in movies that have no business watching, or talking about a TV show they watch that I know the jokes or theme is geared toward adults, or bragging about their high-score on a video game that should even be discussed by them. Far too many times am I out late at night and have to stop by Wal-Mart (mostly out of convenience since it's late) to pick something up, and who do I see trudging through the aisle? Yep, you guessed it, a small kid or small children hanging on to their parent's hand, belt loop or just half asleep in the cart. I know it's not like I should think that I can walk into a Wal-Mart of all places and get a good image of solid parenting, but I'm talking 11-12pm at night. Isn't the answer as simple as: if you have children and you want to go see a rated 'R' movie you have to get a baby-sitter. If you don't get a baby-sitter, you don't go. If you don't get a baby-sitter, you don't say, "Grab the kids, we're going anyway!"


Having children is a privilege and a sacrifice, you can't just make them into adults and then back into children whenever you want. The thought crossed my mind sitting in the movie theater, "I wonder what's worse: Keeping the kids in the theater watching 'The Town', or sending them off to a theater all by themselves to watch a kids movie?!" Then I realized this question should never have to be asked!


Let me just end this rant/rave by simply saying, if this is how we parent our children what type of society can we expect in the next 20-30 years?

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Vacuums Suck and So Do You

YOU SUCK! No, really you do. Don't get all offended until you hear why I said it... Can you give me 10 minutes to explain. You'll think about it? Okay, well while you think about it read the rest of my blog and hopefully it will make you think more.


Boys suck, girls suck, kids suck, parents suck, teachers suck, cops suck, bosses suck, the President sucks, Muslims suck, Jews suck and Christians suck! Why, because human beings (everyone) is a metaphorical vacuum; sucking in whatever they can to fill the metaphorical void in their lives. If you haven't noticed yet... it's all metaphorical. People suck... whatever they feel will fill the void in their lives, money, sex, TV, video games, clothes, relationships, “toys”, golf, Facebook, etc. The realization that people must come to is that all the things that you try and fill your life with won't make life any better. If they do make your life better, you end up asking yourself, “How long will it last?” When it does finally flicker, smolder and die out you ask yourself, “How can I get it back?”


Everyone's life is a vacuum, and the Christian's life is no different. Don't be so arrogant to think that just because you're a Christian that you don't suck. It can be the obvious sin that you keep hidden (let's not get confused. Yes, I did say “obvious” and “hidden” in the same sentence, but Christian's often hide sin and sin is the obvious first thing to think of... Thus “obvious” and “hidden” in the same sentence) sin is usually the easiest and most common thing that Christian's suck into their lives and it doesn't even have to be something horrible. However I have seen Christian's become too focused on being Christian. They completely turn off the world in which they live in and become sheltered and naive. My only objection to this lifestyle is how do you relate to the unchurched if you don't know the world they live in?


The misconception when people hear the word “sin” is they immediately think of the “bad sins”: The adultery, murder, sex before marriage, swearing, etc. Let's define “sin” is a very simple way that takes away the titles “mild, bad, horrible” from sins; sin is anything that takes your focus off of God. Why do I define sin in that way, because if something takes your focus off of God then you are ultimately not focusing on what God's purpose is for your life. Matthew 6:10 says, “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” and those are the words that need to keep you focused on what to suck into your void. You need to suck God's will into your life.


Don't get caught up in the easy argument of what type of vacuum you are, it doesn't matter if you're a Hoover, Kenmore, Oreck or a Dyson. Here's the key to all vacuums, they suck (and so do you). What you have to get past is the fact that you suck, and move on to recognizing what you are sucking into your life.
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Be like the Pros.

You don't have to say it, I slacked off last week and didn't post. I thought that I had this post scheduled to go up last Sunday, but low and behold... nope! So I decided to post it today... Which kinda got forgotten, but I promise to keep on track and make the next posts A-mazing!


Every job needs to have the intensity of professional sports. That's not my opinion, that's a fact! My opinion only comes into play when I relate to my specific job. Being a teacher I could not begin to fathom how different it would be if we start incorporating more traditions and rituals of professional sports.

Announce the Line Ups

Start off every day with an announced line up like they do in the NBA! Complete with The Alan Parsons Project's “Sirius”.


Get Fired up!

All the teachers should start off everyday by getting together and getting “fired up” for the day. There's nothing like getting the adrenaline pumping before 1st hour!




Time out!

Teachers should get “professional” time-outs. 3 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon. Once the teacher calls the time out the class has to stop what they are doing, put their heads down and stay silent for 30 seconds. Just enough time to let the teacher take a deep breath and continue what they were doing.



Throw the Flag!

Instant replay for work. When something happens in the classroom or out on the playground there should be instant replay and even slow-mo instant replay to show the teacher what happened to disallow any bias or missed evidence. *Along with the instant replay the students should have a challenge flag that they are allowed to use once a semester to challenge a ruling in the classroom. If they are correct they can make another challenge, but if they are wrong they lose the privilege.


Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

What about having some celebration rituals? They do it in the NFL, they do it in the MLB, why can't teachers do it too? After we teach an awesome lesson; one that we trained for, that we prepared for, that we care for, wouldn't it be cool to have a celebration after?!




Did You See That?!

There should always be a greatest bloopers film at the end of every year. All the funny things that teachers have seen their students do or their colleagues.




I know that Teaching is already a very interesting profession all by itself, but imagine what it would be like with a little more "professionalism".

At the least we just don't want to walk out the door feeling like this guy.



Coming up for the next 3 weeks is a series I am calling "Don't be a Christian Appliance". Yes, it is will be as good as it sounds!
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It's a bird... It's a plane... IT'S...

We all have a picture of Jesus in our heads. I like to picture my Jesus (insert funny metaphor here):
  • as a mischievous badger.
  • as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
  • as a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, there's something special about him...
  • in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.
  • like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!

Maybe you prefer the “baby Jesus” to the “full-grown Jesus” sitting in his golden fleece diapers, lyin' there in His ghost manger, just lookin' at His Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors.

I like to picture my Jesus as a superhero, but the question that broods (it's a good comic book term) in my mind is, “which?”

Superman



I wanted to start with the obvious first. Why not make Jesus my own personal Superman? First because it would be too easy. Superman is the perfect superhero; he is honest, compassionate, patriotic, and pretty much all powerful. What can't Superman do? It would be so simple to make Jesus synonymous with Superman but I like to try and back my analogies and metaphors with some sort of Biblical backing or fact. The problem as I see it is that even though Jesus was honest, compassionate and all powerful... Jesus can't fly, He doesn't have heat vision, or super strength, but most importantly I know for a fact that Jesus ain't no alien that came to our planet because His was about to blow up. There is just not enough Biblical backing for me to make this correlation with any kind of reliability or validity.

The Incredible Hulk



At least there is some Biblical reference to Jesus getting so angry that He is ruled by His emotion more than His brain. Matthew 21:12-13, Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. "It is written," he said to them, " 'My house will be called a house of prayer,'but you are making it a 'den of robbers.' I really wish Matthew would have added, "and you don't want to see me when I'm angry," Mark would've. But I digress, Doves! Jesus totally kicked the asses of guys selling doves, that just goes to show you how angry He was. It's not like the people in the temple were selling child pornography or cocain, they were selling doves. I like this Jesus, it makes me feel better about myself knowing that Jesus lost his temper at least once. But I still have a problem with the fact that it wasn't a constant occurrence throughout His ministry, but I guess if Jesus turned into a horrible monster every time He got frustrated He probably wouldn't have gotten many followers.

Mystique or Jedi



The reason that I chose two different “superheros” is two fold: 1) I have a hard time picturing my Jesus as a sexy blue, gun toting, leather clad, red haired vixen. 2) Mystique is a villain and that's just hard for me to have Jesus be. What is my reasoning for comparing these two “superheroes” and how do they fit into being anything like Jesus? The reason behind this is because of Jesus' ability to shield Himself from the masses. Luke 24: 15-16 as they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him. Who else besides the aforementioned sexy blue, gun toting, leather clad, red haired vixen (let's add one more adjective about her) shape shifter could have disguised themselves well enough for even their closest colleagues from recognizing them? Far be it from me to put Jesus in a box but a sexy blue, gun toting, leather clad, red haired shape shifting vixen is tight box. Jedi on the other hand is a little bit easier for me to picture Jesus as. They uphold truth, justice and have awesome mind powers! I can totally see Jesus walking to Emmaus and happening by these two disciples talking about... Jesus of Nazareth... blah blah... Crucifixion... blah blah... Messiah... blah blah... *tear* *sniffle*... boo hoo... Jesus thinks, “I can't let them know who I am... Quick, Jedi mind trick time!”

Man 1: Who did you say you were?

Jesus: (waving hand slowly) I'm not the man you are looking for.

Man 1: This isn't the man we're looking for.

Jesus: I don't know what you are discussing.

Man 1: He doesn't know what we're discussing.

Jesus: OK, stop

Man 1: We need to stop.

Nightcrawler



The next superhero that popped (no pun intended, who am I kidding they're always intended) into my head was Nightcrawler. He didn't only pop into my head because he is like the best X-Men character ever but because of the verse that was mentioned in the previous passage. Luke 24 (specifically 31) “Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.” If you can honestly tell me the first thing that popped into your head WASN'T Nightcrawler, let me know and I'll send you a cookie!

Wolverine



All I have to say is POWER TO HEAL!

Batman



Nothing says savior of all mankind quite like Vigilante Bad Ass! This is my pick overall. The comparisons are nothing but (pun intended) uncanny. The biggest parallel is that Jesus was fully human but also fully God (super-human), and Batman or Bruce Wayne isn't really a superhero, he is more of a super-human. Batman isn't a mutant, he isn't an alien, nothing radioactive bit him or blew up next to him to make him the way he is, it is totally Batman's choice to be the superhero that he is. Also let's not forget where both Jesus and Batman get their ability to be “super”, their Dads! Batman has an endless supply of the almighty dollar (buying himself infinite gadgets and vehicles) and Jesus has an endless supply of the Almighty Father (aiding Him in miracles of healing and conquering sin). Finally the most obvious similarity is that both were super-humans that fought against the corrupt government that was in place during their time, while constantly fighting the criminally insane (Jesus had the Pharisees while Batman had the Joker, Two-Face and Catwoman).

If you had to pick what superhero Jesus was most closely associated with, who would you pick?