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Poem #7



OZ

My Emerald City
Is filled with
Memories of the past
Glimpses of the future
The yellow brick road
Foot print after foot step
Leading me into ambiguity
Leading me into purpose
Ruby slippers blind us
From our true ambitions
Our tin bodies rust
From the reign of false hope
Propaganda breaks hearts
This fear we feel is like a frost
That clings to our windows at night
Making us see only foggy shapes
Muted colors
You are my Emerald City
My safety, my shelter
Storm will brew
Tornadoes touch down
Houses may fall
Witches show their haggard faces
But coming back
To my Emerald City
Reminds me

There is no place like home.
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Poem #6



2 Words

Gallows looming
Tumbling down
Fighting gravity
Grasping straws
Feeling weightless
Cold air
Eyes water
Darkness growing
Tightening rope
Memories flash
Lost love
Lies told
Promises broken
Death beckons
Last breath
Clouds part
Pearly gates
Questions answered
Judgment passed
Sins forgiven
Enter eternity
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Poem #5




It Rains, It Pours
Looking through the fog of your halo
Wonderful confusion makes me not want to leave
We lie to the world
While we lay in bed
Angel wings fall like rain
A storm of irrational situations
Live in the past, present and future
Outside of time the choices we choose
Not to make
Play themselves out in a world
Not known to us
What keeps my heart beating
Is knowing that we are together
Not hear
But there
Somewhere across the universe
Our bodies burn like the distant stars
Begging to touch
Longing to intertwine our paths.
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Poem #4



A Silent Serenade

Wishing for any other place than here
Wishing for any body other than me
Choose today
Choose this moment
Live in me
As I live in you
Wishing for any other heart than mine
Wishing for any other thought than this
Never past
Never forget
Dry the tears
I shed for you
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Poem #3



All Her Beauty

Watch as the moon undresses
Keep your eyes focused
Her true beauty will arrive shortly

Watch as the moon turns
From yellow to shimmering gold
You have made her blush

Watch as the moon watches you
But never stops shedding layers
She is tempting you

Watch as the moon devours the night
Taking all attention away
From the dancing stars

Watch as the moon finishes her ritual
Nightly seducing all men
Her beauty is overwhelming

Watch as the moon melts
into the horizon, her bed
She will bide her time.
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A Poem a Week




I want to get back into the creative groove, thus I am going to challenge myself to write a poem a week and publish it on my blog. That's 52 poems, if you didn't know. I have had this overwhelming need, yes NEED, to be somewhat artistic and creative. I have been having flashes or creativity enter my mind for the past few months and it has been bothering me to the point of frustration. I don't really know how to deal with having a creative blockage in my life, I guess laxatives, but I don't want to got to extreme measures just yet. I am having ideas come to me that seem to have been there for years they are so developed, my only problem is seeing them go from ideas to completed work. I have ideas for short plays, stories (books), skits (humorous and dramatic), poems, art work... it is really a cool thing that I don't know how to control or harness. So to start, I'm going for a poem a week for 1 year. Hopefully I can hold my self accountable to this resolution and try to actually complete something that is not required of me.
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How Does It Feel?

Whispers
The winds of change float through our lives
We never listen until the time has past
They lay in our wake, dead and silent
We cut through lives with precision
But cannot hold onto a sliver of each other

Vision blurs
Breath taken
Lips touch
Hearts race
Our world
Melts away.
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Prose not found

Perfectly Tragic

Why do I lie and wait
Your eyes speak a language of truth
Beauty is found in less

No more beauty can fit in you
No more beauty can come out of you
Your eyes harbor truth

They are the breaking dawn
For the dark confusion
Locked away in the catacombs of my heart

The storm is brewing
Like a long forgotten stew
Now reaching it's boiling point

A labyrinth is lying in wait
The choices a fog thick with indecision
What lies in wait around the next corner

Is it friend or foe, both new, both change
Following a trail of bread crumbs left by travelers lost
Wishing to blaze my own path

My compass needle spins
With no particular purpose
Leaving me to determine my own direction

It becomes a demanding task to think
When you are near and my heartbeat quickens
Becoming the sound of hummingbird wings

It becomes a demanding task to think
When you are gone and my heartbeat softens
To a muffled whisper spoken only on pillow tops

My pain, my pleasure are mixed together
Not tasting one without the other
I gladly suffer in silence
Upon beautiful coincidence
My oath never broken
Questions become unspoken

Why do I lie and wait
My world halts, my voice faults
Because your eyes

Speak a language of truth
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Divorced before the Wedding.



A friend of mine from elementary school posted this and I thought I would give it some good insight, Sociology question: "Is today's high divorce rate a problem for society?"

I think it's a HORRIBLE problem OF society not for society. I feel that social institutions paint an unflattering picture of marriage in our present society. Marriage is no longer looked at as something sacred or special but something that can be thrown away if it doesn't work out. Teen pregnancy, Overt Sexuality/Immorality, Apathy, No Foresight...the list can go on about what our generation and the next generation are experiencing everyday that leads them to make unwise choices with their lives. I feel that America has become a country of whims and instant gratification. Too many people are getting married because "it's the right thing to do, or the only thing left to do with the relationship." I also have a bone to pick with the older generations skirting responsibility and not talking to the children about what marriage, love, and SEX is about. They feel that their children will just learn through experience and osmosis. "What can I tell them that they haven't already learned from T.V. or their friends?" What a horrible thought process. Obviously I am not condoning a woman or man to stay in an abusive relationship (physical or emotional) but this is something that should have been uncovered before the decision to get married was approached. We are too quick to act and thus set ourselves up for failure. Pre-Marital counseling is looked at as laughable or unnecessary, simply because it's not taken serious. One thing that I wish marriage counselors would do is try and break-up the couple. If you can be honest about your issues in a "safe" environment with a mediator present then there shouldn't be any problems that you can't work through. The problem arises when partners lie or hide things from the other that come out later. No foundation can be built on shifting sand.

If society has taught us one thing it's that if there is a problem it's not our fault or our responsibility. Why try and fix it when we can just forget that it ever happened?

The problem as I see it really stems from the social setting that people grow up in, because if we take into account the psychosocial development of a child, all they do is take in what they see, what they are told and how they are treated. I'm am not making a case for broken home children to repeat the cycle of their parents, but what I am saying is social and psychological development has a lot to do with environment. What I am trying to say is that parents don't teach their children anymore, they expect society to show their children the proverbial ropes of life.

Take a look at these statistics:
  • "One third of 10-11 year olds (33%) say that pressure to have sex is a "big problem" for kids their age."
  • "Parents are especially likely to delay talking about puberty, sex and related issues. Two thirds of parents of 8-11 year olds (61%) report that their child initiated the first conversation about the basics of reproduction. In two out of five families, discussions about puberty (40%) and HIV/AIDS (38%) were also started by the child."
  • "A majority of parents of 8-11 year olds think growing up today is "harder" than when they were kids (65%); even more parents of adolescents (12-15 year olds) agree (78%)"
  • "...less than half of parents of 12-15 year olds have discussed decision making about sex (49%)."
  • Total teen pregnancies (age 15-17 years old) in 2002 was 252,170.
  • "New findings show that the greatest changes to the parts of the brain that are responsible for functions such as self-control, judgment, emotions, and organization occur between puberty and adulthood. This may help to explain certain teenage behavior that adults can find mystifying, such as poor decision-making, recklessness, and emotional outbursts." (Family Life Development Center)
I totally agree with you up to this point, every one of these statistics is outrageous, but one stat sticks out the most to me. The 3rd bullet point is the statistic that I think all the rest stem from. How can (65% and 78%) of adolescent parents agree that times are harder for their children to grow up in (more social stressors, more media, more expectations, more emphasis on social norms [constantly changing social norms], the list goes on) thus the problem is that parents acknowledge that the times are difficult but take no action to guide/help their children through their times. I understand that times are different today than back when adolescent parents were their kids age, but the same conflicts are still present. What most parents don't realize is my last bullet point. It states that higher-level brain functions (i.e. critical thinking, decision making, recklessness...) don't FULLY develop until adulthood, or when the person has fully matured. So why do parents expect their children to exhibit these behaviors when they are still developing them. There in-lies the problem, it's an EXPECTATION it's not a taught subject. At some point in our society we (as parents) have shied away from teaching our children. Teaching them Morals, Ethics, Critical Thinking, Foresight, Financial Sense, Work Ethic, Time Management, etc. has become something parents think children receive through societal osmosis, if not from society then from school (which in the end is a social institution), and finally if not from anywhere or anyone else then why not let Corporate America teach it to them through imprudent and shameful commercials and television shows; promoting everything that we would not teach our children to value.

To sum up the soap box that I have been standing on for the last 900 words or so is that if the previous generation doesn't change the way they view the education of their children (no, not school education) how will their children ever glean an understanding of how to conduct themselves in life. This translates all back to divorce and marriage on the simple foundation that people are not making good decisions when it comes to a life-long commitment. Not fully understanding the concept of marriage will forever make marriage an irrelevant idea. Marriage will become archaic, a dinosaur that was destined to walk this earth for a short time and then become extinct. However I would like to think that just like dinosaurs the true meaning behind marriage has been fossilized in our thoughts, deep within wrinkles and cracks of our brains. The meaning is there, sunken within the tar-pits of our consciousness, waiting to be extracted and resurrected.

In conclusion, we first have to fix our social perception of marriage before we can fix the institution itself.
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When did this happen?



When did I become such a stubborn jerk? When did I stop caring about what other people feel or stop caring about caring? I have to meditate on this... I have an idea about why I am getting angry so quickly lately, but I want to be sure about it.

There is really nothing to be angry about but I can't stop myself from finding something to frustrate, annoy and irritate me to the point of eruption. At some point in my life my fuse got cut and I need a way of adding some length back to it. I understand that I can't be happy all the time with life, but I want to be joyful all in everything that happens in my life. I tell people, "that you can't get angry at the past because you can't change it, you can only fix the mistake you made for the next time." Why can I dish out advice but not take it, or live by example?



I feel like I am a comet screaming through space on a collision course with something big. Once I hit whatever it is; the crater will be immense, the destruction will be catastrophic and life as I know it will change. Nevertheless, through the fire and flames, through the dust and mist, deep down at the bottom of the devastation something will be unearthed in me that will transform my world (the way I feel, look at things and react to things).

I'm just waiting for the boom...


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Educational Ideals



No joke kiddos, if I had to have someone play me in a movie biography about my life at the moment, I would cast Jane Lynch and have her play the character of Sue Sylvester from Glee. Not that I am currently coaching a nationally ranked cheerleading squad, but I do like her attitude about students.

I really just think that people have become too soft about education, parents take any possible excuse not to be involved in their child's education. Examples: "Isn't that the schools job?" "I am too busy with work right now." etc. I'm sure you can think of one yourself, but this is something that makes me very frustrated as a teacher. I am not saying that I have all the answers or that I am even close to finding an answer to this epidemic, but I just hope that parent's understand (SOON) how important it is to be involved in their students education. I have students, daily, not turning in every single homework assignment that I assign for them. Students and Parents look at me with the same puzzled eyes when I say that I don't give negative consequences for not turning in homework (i.e. take away recess or privileges). They never ask why, but I tell them that I feel grades should be incentive or punishment enough. Everything, EVERYTHING is reflected in students grades. Knowledge, Motivation, even character is shown in grades. The better the student's character (ex: trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, fairness, caring, citizenship) the better their grades. If parents knew this wouldn't they be trying harder to instill these qualities into their children. Students nowadays are some of the most lazy, apathetic, disorganized, irresponsible, and disrespectful I have seen. I don't know what has happened from my generation to the next but something is lacking.

All I know is when I was in Elementary school and/or Jr. High I never had "Character Training". Character wasn't taught, it was expected. I will admit that there are always some students that need an extra push and have to strive harder to have good character but the degree of apathy is what gets to me the most. I feel like I have to bring something AMAZING to the table every day to get the kids to care enough just to pay attention, shouldn't education/knowledge be enough? I think every American needs to switch places with someone in a 3rd world country for just 24 hours and see how good they have it, and I'm only talking about one aspect of life, education. Parents and students think that all the responsibility falls on the educational system: teachers, administration, the state to teach about everything (including normal social behaviors).

EH... I'm just blowing off steam. I really need to get into some full contact sport... anyone know of a good boxing gym?


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The light

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. I want to have a good job, be able to support my family without Rhi having to go back to work (so she can focus on her projects), get out of debt, start a hobby. The list goes one but what I realized is that it all focuses and centers around 1 THING! MY JOB! I need, need, need to have a job that actually works for me, us, my family! Most of all I want to be a writer, once I have the time. I've always had these ideas, stories, opinions in my head that I never write down, never expound on... Mostly it's because of time... I have to make time that I don't have. Time for work, time for grad school, time for family, time for me, time for time. I will be the first to admit that I am not the most orgainized person but I can prioritize. I might be jumping the gun, I might be a little pre-mature (something guys never want to be), but I am still young. I am slowly inching toward the big 2-6, I have a life-time ahead of me but it seems like time is already running out because I am not doing what I want to do. I want to help people, I want to learn, I want to write something profound, something people read, something with purpose, something that just doesn't get put on a shelf somewhere and never taken down. Something with a lot less commas than this post.

More than time I need patience. I don't have any, you can ask my mom, she'll tell you I wasn't born with any (well that and common sense). I am your typical American I want what I want and I want it now! Too bad I can't see the big picture, see where I am going, where I am going to end up. I just want to know that I will be good at something. I am very tired of being mediocre at most everything I try. I don't want a lot for me, but I hold myself to a very high standard. I am my own worst critic and I don't want to let me down. When I fail, it feels like I let everyone down.

NO MORE PITY PARTY!!! That's not what this blog was intended for! Let the record show that if I go "Emo Suicidal" on this blog again, i will post a picture of me punching myself in the face! PROMISE!
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Job, Career, Life

I have a theory about having a job, if you're not doing what you want then you get sick of it really really REALLY quickly. I have had numerous jobs in my short employment life-span: pizza boy, host, Hot Topic, stock boy, copy boy, Barista (coffee boy), Delivery Boy, Teaching Assistant, Distribution (warehouse worker), Teacher; the only problem is that I only wanted to do one of these jobs for more than 2 years. Why 2 years? My theory centers around a 2 year shelf life for jobs you don't want to do for the rest of your life. I have never been employed at a job that I haven't questioned after 12-18 months and then left after 2 years. The only job I would love to do for the rest of my life is be a Delivery Boy, or at least perform/write sketch comedy.

The only reason this is coming to mind is because my 2 years is up at teaching and I am feeling the same thing again. I thought when I started teaching that it would be close enough to something slightly resembling psychology that I would be ok with it, that it would soothe me into being comfortable. I just realized something though, teaching is a very shallow pond. There is no real room for growth, once you're a 6th grade teacher there isn't much else you can change about it. I've hit the ceiling and it scares me. I know that all I have to do is go back to school and get more education and I can teach in different settings, but I DON'T WANT TO TEACH! At least not yet in my life. I want to be a counselor, I want to do what I know I was meant to, I want to feel like I have purpose. I want to provide for my family, I want to help people... most of all I want to be happy. What depresses me (all most everyday) is, I don't see any of this happening any time soon.
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The Passing

This post was originally supposed to be about Michael Jackson (The King of Pop); how he was so influential, his philanthropy, his escapades... (*voice trails off*) I do owe some people a joke that voted for it on my facebook so... "The coroner found Micheal Jackson's To-Do list in his pants pocket during the autopsy. The coroner was confused because the only thing written on the list were the names of boys from Michael Jackson's neighborhood!" PA-ZING!

Slight digression, Billy Mays a true American Icon died at 50 just a few short days after MJ. To compare these two men in the same sentence is an abomination, borderline sacrilegious. I argue that MJ had no where near the influence and power of Billy Mays. Billy Mays has been and will be one of my favorite people in the entire world. His fervor for useless consumer products model the stereotypic American Lifestyle: What can I buy that 1) Doesn't cost a lot of money 2) Will get the job done with minimal effort on my part 3) Fix my dumbass mistakes. Those 3 steps answer the American Dream and that's what Billy Mays was selling.

I, no lie, grew up with Billy Mays. He was my late night BFF. Ask my parents about how on the weekend mornings during JR. High and High School I would tell them of the next amazing (no pun intended) product that I saw on TV at ,of course, 2:30am. Oxiclean, Orange Glo, Hercules Hooks, the Awesome Auger, Kaboom, Big City Sliders and my favorite of all time ESPN360.com; each of the these products were talked about in length over the weekend breakfast table. Not just how amazing they were, but also the incredibly cheap cost! How could you turn down a deal that Super Sized your tub of Oxiclean to 6 lbs and included a spray bottle, super shamy and Orange Clean spray all for only $19.95! And if the price didn't get you Billy Mays did. You can't say, "NO" to that man (insert sexist joke here).

What kills me (also no pun intended) is that the cause of death is being ruled heart failure. He was only 50 and the medical examiner is saying it was most likely a heart attack in his sleep that lead to his death. This is where things get strange... I always pictured the "infomerical/pitchman" business to be a pretty close-knit fraternity. So my question is why wasn't Billy Mays in better health? Didn't he rub elbow with Tony Little, Suzanne Sommers, Richard Simmons?! He didn't have a Gazelle, a ThighMaster, Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD's?! No Bender Ball, Ab Rocker, P90X or Crunchless Abs? Nothing resembling a Bow-Flex?!

Billy you will be missed; the infomerical realm has lost its king and no one is good enough to replace you on the thrown. We mourn this unfathomable loss.

Don't just get it clean, get it Oxiclean.
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How did we live?!

It has become frighteningly clear that I am completely dependent on every aspect of technology. Do I dare remember the days before iPods, cell phones, digital cameras, portable dvd players, Tivo, DV-R, Axe Body Spray, CD's and Notebook Computers?! Not only does my iPod play music from its' own personal hard-drive, but it also let's me surf the Internet where the Internet is now broadcast "invisibly" through the air! Does anyone remember when a cassette tape was an amazing thing to have, and e-mail was unheard of? Instant messaging, text messaging, mySpace, Facebook, Twitter?! How in the world are we supposed to keep up with everything that is surrounding us; understand it, utilize it, technology mutates faster than comprehension.

I don't want to come off as anti-technology that's not what this post is about, it's more about the memory of simpler times. The image that keeps popping into my head is Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell with his giant cell phone that was the only thing that he could fit into his back pack at one time. I still don't remember him ever really using it that much either. The only reason this comparison has any relevance is because I feel the same way about my cell phone today. How I loath the moment that it rings it's downloaded mp3 ring tone, I check my free caller ID feature, and low and behold it's someone I could care less about talking to. Not that I'm too busy, but just the fact that I don't want to talk to the person on the other end. I would so much rather them text message me, so I can text them back and have no real human contact. Technology has completely erased the tactile face of society. Sure we can reach out and touch pretty much anyone and anything, but look at how much we are now taking for granted.

The #1 beef I have with the advances in technology is print. The printed word is an endangered species. Books no longer hold their vast mystery and appeal. Pursuing library or book store shelves for hours just to look and possibly find the next great novel of your life. It's a lot more difficult to throw a book away in the trash than just delete it off your iPod or eBook Device. My question is why would someone pay $350.00 for an eBook that is close the the same size as a normal paperback book, when you could buy 25 real books for that price... or 2 textbooks ;). But you still have to pay for the book to download it to the device so you are basically paying an extra $350.00 for a book cover? I am proud of my small library of books that live on my 2 book shelves. Yes, they collect dust and take up space, but they talk about the type of person I am (likes, views, ideas, values).

ANYWAYS!!! While we navigate through an ever changing technological jungle, we remember that there is someone on the other end.
AJ Teaters | 1 comment

1st of Many

Starting a blog... something I never thought would ever appeal to me. I have to find a hobby; right now hiking is taking up most of my life, but that can only happen once every week (if I'm lucky). Not that I have anything to complain about, I could have worse excuses for not being able to get outdoors as much as I want. My family always has to come first, if it's a question between hanging out with my wife and boys and going for a hike I choose family. I just can't wait until I don't have to make that choice and I can start to bring my family on hikes.

I think that the hardest part about keeping up with something like this is finding "stuff" to talk about every couple of days. As much as I say my life is boring and mundane, I can't help think that having a blog will help me recognize how much excitement surrounds me at almost every point of my day. I really want to get into writing and what better way than starting something that possibly no one will read or care about. I'll be able to post, vent, rant and rave about whatever I see or hear that interests me.

I don't keep up with a whole lot other than my family, job and sports. My political prowess holds enough strength to destroy a wet paper bag, something that I have been telling myself I need to start studying up on. Major plans: relax, apply to Grad. School, understand politics, unlocks secrets to the universe and get in shape... probably listed in order of importance for me. Should probably have put finish laundry and pack for vacation starting on Sunday. Oh! And get fitted for tux for Mikey's wedding.

I have a lengthy to-do list, I should start investing in Sharpies and wash my forearm off to make sure I have a large enough surface to write this down on.
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