The light

AJ Teaters

The light

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. I want to have a good job, be able to support my family without Rhi having to go back to work (so she can focus on her projects), get out of debt, start a hobby. The list goes one but what I realized is that it all focuses and centers around 1 THING! MY JOB! I need, need, need to have a job that actually works for me, us, my family! Most of all I want to be a writer, once I have the time. I've always had these ideas, stories, opinions in my head that I never write down, never expound on... Mostly it's because of time... I have to make time that I don't have. Time for work, time for grad school, time for family, time for me, time for time. I will be the first to admit that I am not the most orgainized person but I can prioritize. I might be jumping the gun, I might be a little pre-mature (something guys never want to be), but I am still young. I am slowly inching toward the big 2-6, I have a life-time ahead of me but it seems like time is already running out because I am not doing what I want to do. I want to help people, I want to learn, I want to write something profound, something people read, something with purpose, something that just doesn't get put on a shelf somewhere and never taken down. Something with a lot less commas than this post.

More than time I need patience. I don't have any, you can ask my mom, she'll tell you I wasn't born with any (well that and common sense). I am your typical American I want what I want and I want it now! Too bad I can't see the big picture, see where I am going, where I am going to end up. I just want to know that I will be good at something. I am very tired of being mediocre at most everything I try. I don't want a lot for me, but I hold myself to a very high standard. I am my own worst critic and I don't want to let me down. When I fail, it feels like I let everyone down.

NO MORE PITY PARTY!!! That's not what this blog was intended for! Let the record show that if I go "Emo Suicidal" on this blog again, i will post a picture of me punching myself in the face! PROMISE!