3 Things

AJ Teaters

3 Things

There are a lot of things in the world that I don't understand; quantum physics, women and what exactly a tootsie roll is (to name a few), but recently there have been 3 that I have wanted to discuss.

1. Why a beer bottle looks like a condom
2. Little kid B.O.
3. Where did "dating" go?

Thing 1:
Recently I've been watching this new invention called "television" and I've noticed that in-between the shows there are these moving advertisements called "commercials"... Seriously though, I've been seeing commercials lately that make me say, "Why did they [insert company name here] need to do that?!" a few examples: 5 blades on a razor (that also vibrates), (the epitome of lazy) wheeled backpacks, (the one I still haven't figured out the reason for, except maybe its a feature on Ford's new "stalker package") Facebook status updates in a car. But I can excuse all those products in loo of the most recent conundrum, the Vortex Beer Bottle. As far as I know beer is a product that, for it's existence, has been marketed toward males (predominantly). So for what reason would you (marketing department) need to "improve" on the already perfect form of a beer bottle, and make it look like a recently developed pleasure inducing condom?!


Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Therefore A + B = C (where C = GAY!)

Putting a beer bottle to your lips (as a man) is already border-line homosexual. I still haven't figured out a masculine way to drink anything out of a bottle, use a straw or eat a banana. To quote a recent movie "Will you take that straw out of your mouth? It looks like you have a schlautzen in your mouth." Seriously guys get a glass and pour it; don't put this beer bottle to your lips!

I'll keep this short, I'm sure some of you have to run out and buy a beer mug soon, Miller Brewing Company WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Condoms and Beer go together... but not like this!