Divorced before the Wedding.

AJ Teaters

Divorced before the Wedding.

A friend of mine from elementary school posted this and I thought I would give it some good insight, Sociology question: "Is today's high divorce rate a problem for society?"

I think it's a HORRIBLE problem OF society not for society. I feel that social institutions paint an unflattering picture of marriage in our present society. Marriage is no longer looked at as something sacred or special but something that can be thrown away if it doesn't work out. Teen pregnancy, Overt Sexuality/Immorality, Apathy, No Foresight...the list can go on about what our generation and the next generation are experiencing everyday that leads them to make unwise choices with their lives. I feel that America has become a country of whims and instant gratification. Too many people are getting married because "it's the right thing to do, or the only thing left to do with the relationship." I also have a bone to pick with the older generations skirting responsibility and not talking to the children about what marriage, love, and SEX is about. They feel that their children will just learn through experience and osmosis. "What can I tell them that they haven't already learned from T.V. or their friends?" What a horrible thought process. Obviously I am not condoning a woman or man to stay in an abusive relationship (physical or emotional) but this is something that should have been uncovered before the decision to get married was approached. We are too quick to act and thus set ourselves up for failure. Pre-Marital counseling is looked at as laughable or unnecessary, simply because it's not taken serious. One thing that I wish marriage counselors would do is try and break-up the couple. If you can be honest about your issues in a "safe" environment with a mediator present then there shouldn't be any problems that you can't work through. The problem arises when partners lie or hide things from the other that come out later. No foundation can be built on shifting sand.

If society has taught us one thing it's that if there is a problem it's not our fault or our responsibility. Why try and fix it when we can just forget that it ever happened?

The problem as I see it really stems from the social setting that people grow up in, because if we take into account the psychosocial development of a child, all they do is take in what they see, what they are told and how they are treated. I'm am not making a case for broken home children to repeat the cycle of their parents, but what I am saying is social and psychological development has a lot to do with environment. What I am trying to say is that parents don't teach their children anymore, they expect society to show their children the proverbial ropes of life.

Take a look at these statistics:

• "One third of 10-11 year olds (33%) say that pressure to have sex is a "big problem" for kids their age."
• "Parents are especially likely to delay talking about puberty, sex and related issues. Two thirds of parents of 8-11 year olds (61%) report that their child initiated the first conversation about the basics of reproduction. In two out of five families, discussions about puberty (40%) and HIV/AIDS (38%) were also started by the child."
• "A majority of parents of 8-11 year olds think growing up today is "harder" than when they were kids (65%); even more parents of adolescents (12-15 year olds) agree (78%)"
• "...less than half of parents of 12-15 year olds have discussed decision making about sex (49%)."
• Total teen pregnancies (age 15-17 years old) in 2002 was 252,170.
• "New findings show that the greatest changes to the parts of the brain that are responsible for functions such as self-control, judgment, emotions, and organization occur between puberty and adulthood. This may help to explain certain teenage behavior that adults can find mystifying, such as poor decision-making, recklessness, and emotional outbursts." (Family Life Development Center)

I totally agree with you up to this point, every one of these statistics is outrageous, but one stat sticks out the most to me. The 3rd bullet point is the statistic that I think all the rest stem from. How can (65% and 78%) of adolescent parents agree that times are harder for their children to grow up in (more social stressors, more media, more expectations, more emphasis on social norms [constantly changing social norms], the list goes on) thus the problem is that parents acknowledge that the times are difficult but take no action to guide/help their children through their times. I understand that times are different today than back when adolescent parents were their kids age, but the same conflicts are still present. What most parents don't realize is my last bullet point. It states that higher-level brain functions (i.e. critical thinking, decision making, recklessness...) don't FULLY develop until adulthood, or when the person has fully matured. So why do parents expect their children to exhibit these behaviors when they are still developing them. There in-lies the problem, it's an EXPECTATION it's not a taught subject. At some point in our society we (as parents) have shied away from teaching our children. Teaching them Morals, Ethics, Critical Thinking, Foresight, Financial Sense, Work Ethic, Time Management, etc. has become something parents think children receive through societal osmosis, if not from society then from school (which in the end is a social institution), and finally if not from anywhere or anyone else then why not let Corporate America teach it to them through imprudent and shameful commercials and television shows; promoting everything that we would not teach our children to value.

To sum up the soap box that I have been standing on for the last 900 words or so is that if the previous generation doesn't change the way they view the education of their children (no, not school education) how will their children ever glean an understanding of how to conduct themselves in life. This translates all back to divorce and marriage on the simple foundation that people are not making good decisions when it comes to a life-long commitment. Not fully understanding the concept of marriage will forever make marriage an irrelevant idea. Marriage will become archaic, a dinosaur that was destined to walk this earth for a short time and then become extinct. However I would like to think that just like dinosaurs the true meaning behind marriage has been fossilized in our thoughts, deep within wrinkles and cracks of our brains. The meaning is there, sunken within the tar-pits of our consciousness, waiting to be extracted and resurrected.

In conclusion, we first have to fix our social perception of marriage before we can fix the institution itself.